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not getting it

i didn't know not getting somethign can be so depressing..since I worry too much sometimes. yah...kinda sad I guess. and I am losing my touch. not so many responses. and getting down on my friends..which i feel so out of place. i wonder why...I have this sad feeling in mind that I am all alone in the end and it doesn't matter. maybe it is my family that has made me to think this way..i am unsure. worried. not satisfied. with what I have and want to do so much more. yet I am scared of the uncertainty and threat...it's a sad feeling I am not sure if I can ponder anymore as another chapter unfolds in the year of the dog. suppose to be my worse year ..and somehow..the predications are right. I am unlucky. not so good. and falling away from reality as I isolate myself more. my family is the most strangest and yet I feel compelled to be there..and miss the ignorant times of my childhood. now..as my tainted soul draws away more to a world where I try to find spritual enlightenment, I am confused to where I will be going. what I should be doing. how and why it is not working. I only pray and hope that my journey is not just something that later have no meaning...if I can do it..I pray it will work, at least something....

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