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uncertainty

I can't believe how someone can affect my life so much...it's really sad how I am getting more dependent in some sense yet consciously I do not want to be. it certainly can affect the mood of the day..and even when it starts out great..it's downhill after that. what I mean to say..it takes up a lot of energy. time. effort. just so I don't feel so alone. and my friends..though I have lots and many..and they come from everywhere, am I really close to anyone? does it matter? sometimes it seems impossible to figure out what he is thinking..and maybe I should put more effort since he will be gone soon. and my friend is off on an adventure..till we meet again. and me? should I follow? or try something else...

the uncertainty that surrounds this is quite depressing..when I expect too much..it disappoints me in return. I don't know if I want to get out of here or stay..but have to persist and do my work. err. tomorrow I will work out after the snow ceases..I hope. it is times like this I wish I could fall asleep and forget what I have to think. move on. maybe it will not last when I want something so much. having it end will be sad. is it meant to be? what can I not expect?

the grass is always greener on the other side..until you get there.

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