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Beijing, China
39° 55' N 116° 23' E
Nov 10, 2004 15:39
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Oh No, I've Become A Supply Teacher!

Text written in: English

Mani teaches 2 classes once a week at a school in Fuchengmen. Its not his regular school, but a part-time thing he has going on. But due to his 10-day holiday in the sun (back in the UK), he asked me to cover these two classes for him. He told me that he had "already planned the lessons for me", and 300 yuan (£20) was mine if I did them. I agreed to it straightaway. It was only until the night before I was due to teach them, that I realised his lesson plans were:

A). A bit crap,
and
B). Not going to fill up 45 minutes.

I was a little panicky as I am not an English teacher, and as such have not got many random little "filler" games up my sleeves. But I jotted down a few ideas and went to sleep without worry. If worst came to worst, I could talk to them about Quantum Mechanics and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle (you may laugh, but I have actually talked about these things with some of my classes, in a "cool" way of course).

So today I headed out on the subway to Fuchengmen, and was told by Mani (and a teacher at the school) that the lessons started at 13:30. So I gave myself plenty of time and got to the area at around 13:00. I then rang up the teacher to ask for directions, and she asked me why was I in the area so early. I told her the lessons begin in 30 mins, and she asked me if I got her SMS last night. I did, and it said to meet at "3:15", and I (foolishly) assumed she had made a mistake and had meant to say "1:15". Damn, it was the first time I think I have ever been that early for work. The last time that happened was when I was 16, working at B&Q, and had got to work an hour early because I didn't do the BST thing of "moving the clocks back an hour".

I had spoken to her on the phone before she texted me, and she said the lessons were at 1:30pm, so I assumed the text message was more likely to be wrong. Well, instead of trekking back home, I decided to piss away 2 hours by just walking around, despite the fact that it was a particularly cold and windy day. Unsurprised, I froze my bollocks off whilst looking for a (warm) cafe to sit down in and read, which I didn't find due to the amount of construction sites dotted about the area.

When it came to meeting this woman at 3pm, she wasn't waiting she told me she'd be, and wasn't picking up her phone. Earlier on, I had not actually found the school because its quite tucked away apparently. I tried asking locals, and they all kept pointing me in different directions, or just ignoring me. Yes, I was actually going to be late despite getting there 2 hours early. She eventually picked up her phone, and rushed me into the class.

I decided to wear my school uniform tracksuit top today, just to "fly the flag" for my school, and that, coupled with my "unusual" height and the school not having permanent foreign teachers, meant that all the kids in school treated me like a celebrity. And I mean huge masses of kids surrounding me in the corridors shouting "hello", and me high-fiving as many as I could.

I got to the first class a few minutes late (but not my fault), and the class went really well. I spent a while talking about myself, and asking them about themselves and their school. This class was "Junior 1s", so they were about 11(ish), but could speak English pretty well. Even the games I came up with were well received, although the "tossing a ball of paper around to ask each other questions" game got a bit violent with some kids just hurling it at each other's heads.

The teacher then came to pick me up and take me to the next class and told me that they were Seniors. I froze. I told her the games I had planned were for Juniors, and when I got into the class, they all seemed much bigger than the previous kids. I asked them whether they were seniors or juniors, and they insisted they were Junior 2s. It seemed the teacher's English had misguided me, although these kids did look really big. So big in fact, that I asked them to stand up, just to see how big they were. They looked comparable to many of my senior 2 students. When I asked them for their names, one boy stood up, pointed to a girl in front of him, and said "her name is Mickey Mouse", and everyone started laughing. This girl got up, went over to him, and started thumping him. If it was a case of bullying, I would have stepped in and told him off properly, but she seemed like a confident girl, who's ears were not big at all, so I let her thump him a bit before I told them both to behave.

During the word association game (Timmy Mallet style), they all seemed to get the hang of it very well, apart from one girl whose response to "United Kingdom" was "Dolphin". I let a few of the more abstract ones go, but this was almost David Lynch territory. And so then for every student who couldnt think of one, I kept suggesting "dolphin" as a good one. Also, whilst I was walking about the class monitoring what they were writing for one activity, I was looking over this girl's shoulder, and the class began laughing. I asked them what was the joke, and they said "that girl is the prettiest girl in the class, but very shy". They said that I was emabarassing her by looking at her work, so I leaned over, looked at her face, and said "she's not the prettiest girl in the class". I then walked over to the back, and picked up some guy's poster of a chinese pop diva, held it up to the class, and annoucned "SHE is the prettiest girl in the class". They all pissed themselves, even the shy girl, who I'm sure they thought was pretty because she had very pale skin (which is seen as attractive in many parts of Asia). This means that Sarah Gibbs, Mozza, Paul Adams, and quite a few more of you could come over here and become full-time models. Not that you're not beautful in the UK of course....

Well, we all had great fun in both the classes, lots of laughing, joking, and me doing stupid mimes, and actions. I also concluded tat this this school is quite a lot poorer than my one, because when I gave one of the students my translator to borrow, they were all amazed by it. Whilst in my school (and many others I've heard), every student seems to have one.

At the end of both lessons, I filled up a few mintues by asking them if they had any questions at all. The two questions that you're guaranteed to be asked in a situation like this are "how old are you" (they were amazed at how young I was), and "have you got a girlfriend" (they were also amazed at why I didn't). The second class then took the fun and games to a different level, and closed all the curtains, and then turned out the lights. I let them do it, and we sat there in almost pitch black, with them telling me its "to save electricity". I then jokingly sat there in the dark asking them to recite off the board.

It was all good fun, and I actually ended up staying for about an hour for the last class because we were talking so much. And I was also paid straightaway, which was a rare treat for me. 300 yuan to spend on a new hair cut maybe.....or some shoes......or even just a night out in town. "Every little helps" (TM).