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It was my final day in Chiang Mai as tomorrow day I was heading off to Mae Sot and I had spent my time lazily. In the last few evenings I had frequented a bar and made friends with the staff and locals. The staff and owner were Thai and had made the classic assumption that I was too but that had led to much laughter and a talking point, once they realised I was not. I had also befriended some of the Westerners who lived in town and were regulars at the bar as they told me how they had come to live in Chiang Mai.
One of the guys was in a band which played in the bar on Saturdays - the day I was leaving - but he had told me there was another band in Chiang Mai which was "the band". The guy who led the group also owned the bar they played in and often did impromptu gigs on Tuesdays. Everyone I spoke to told me that they were great and the best band in town. But because they played Tuesdays it meant I wouldn't get a chance to see them perform which was a shame as I always think that when a musician tells you a band is really good you should listen.
Anyway, it was Friday morning and I treated myself to toast with Marmite and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. It wasn't often that I chose to eat western food but I let it slide this once. The rest of the day was spend mooching around the tourist markets and areas and wandering what the appeal was of going into a "British pub" or a traditional Danish/German restaurant in Thailand. It was late afternoon and I was heading back to my room to have a little chillout before dinner and as usual I strolled along the south road of the old city towards my hostel. As one is prone to do, I would glance in the open fronts of shops and bars as I passed and it was to my horror that I did so when I went past one particular bar/restaurant.
For a millisecond I looked straight into the face of the druggie guy, Adam and I had run away from in Bangkok. You know... the guy who told us he had been bitten by a bug or something and Adam had offered to read his medicines as the guy was not sure what he was taking. He had then gone off to get them and Adam had told us to go as he didn't want to waste time on smackheads... And now Adam was safely back home and I wasn't. But in that instant I did not hesitate or freeze, I simply made a conscious decision to pretend that I hadn't seen him and maybe he hadn't recognised me or would choose to ignore the fact that he had.
Once again my luck was non-existent.
Just as I thought I had got away with it and had already made a mental note to avoid this part of the south road I heard a voice behind me...
"That wasn't a very nice thing that you did", the voice chided. I knew the game was up and turned slowly to face my inquisitor before saying, "Sorry, what did you say?"
He repeated the sentence and this time I did freeze as I didn't know what to do. He knew exactly who I was and there seemed to be no way I could lie my way out of this. Similarly, along the lines of non-confrontation, it wasn't my style to run off - which did actually cross my mind anyway as he looked in fit state to pursue me for long... but then appearances could be deceptive so... - which left me only one choice... tell the truth.
"No... no it wasn't" I stuttered whilst trying to avoid his gaze. He rebuked me quite sternly for a few minutes telling me that our behaviour had been really off-key. What else could I do but agree and force humble pie down my throat at a ridiculous rate. But there was one thing I made certain to point out... I had not been the one to instigate our hasty departure - that had been Adam, all Adam. I looked him straight in the eye when I told him this and he I could see he believed me. Good. I felt bad enough as it was but there was no way I was going to take all the blame. He then said that he wanted to buy me a drink.
This was not something I had expected to him to say but I felt disinclined to accept the offer, all the same. But he insisted and said that it was the least I could do by joining him for a while to humour him. I demurred and said ok as he led me back to the bar/restaurant I had first seen him in. I didn't want to stay longer than I had to and I certainly didn't want to take advantage of the situation and so I ordered a small coke, when asked. The conversation continued around the subject of what happened in Bangkok for a while and I felt awkward as the guy raised his voice several times to a point that people looked over.
He would then stare them down and say something like, "What you looking at eh?" before suddenly focussing his full intent gaze on me to see my reaction. I was not having the best of times and it was like drowning in your own shame as I tried with all my courage to put on a brave face. Once again I had to use all my acting talent to smile, gurn and grimace at the right moments and to modulate my voice to make it sound as if I wasn't wishing I was anywhere else but there. Something was definitely up with this guy as he even argued with me to the point of irrationality over what song was on the radio (and then apologised for his outburst).
Here I was paying for the sins of another person by sitting with this emaciated, neurotic, wild-eyed druggie while he ranted and raved about this and that. But then there is almost always a reason for everything... even seeming madness. The guy told me that he hadn't been bitten by a bug in Northern Thailand but had something else. I played dumb but I had been suspicious for a while now. There had been certain things he had said and done that had made me think that perhaps he was covering up... but I didn't want to presume and make another mistake.
He kept dropping clues and I kept playing the sweet, naive and innocent public school boy from England (Ok! If you know me then...sure... I can never be that. But if you have never met me before then I can be very convincing in a number of roles... just takes belief, control of movement and voice and remembering to add a few stereotypical idiosyncracies) not having any idea what he was talking about. Even when he virtually mentioned it by name I still played dumb.
He called himself an Heavenly Infected Vehicle and then stared at me, grinning savagely. I refused to make the connection for a minute more until I was absolutely positive he was telling the truth and it wasn't another great big mistake. So this guy was HIV+... but in his case he seemed to actually have full-blown AIDS. I am not an expert on the disease but I thought HIV+ meant that you could develop AIDS but didn't mean that your health would deteriorate necessarily. You have to be careful but it is only once you have AIDS that you are susceptible to infection etc.
This guy did not look at all well, his skin peeling off in places, his speech slurred, the face gaunt and haunted and hs body weak and brittle - surely he had AIDS? But I didn't want to question as things were difficult enough as I sat there trying to look composed. I didn't want to run a hundred miles for fear or disgust or anything but it simply is a bit of shock. And this guy was so unhinged with what happened to him he was looking for me to flinch. I knew this as he snarled at people sitting near us who had overheard his confession.
Once again I looked him straight in the eye without hesitation and said, "Hmm. Have you had it long?"
That diffused matters as he had been expecting me to crumble under this revelation. I had played my part in the way we had treated this guy in Bangkok but I did not deserve this treatment in return. He was pushing me with things that you would find difficult to tell your nearest and dearest and yet I was almost a complete stranger. It wasn't as if he was seeking to unburden himself - because it can be easier to tell someone you don't know your deepest secrets - as such but more he was trying to punish me by revealing all this in public (where he had no embarrassment or fear) in order to watch me squirm.
I wasn't going to play that game however and I think he must have realised it as soon he was telling me, in calmer tones, all about his fears, his symptoms and his life history. I listened politely but I still didn't want to be there longer than I had to. His name was Dave Martin and he had a lofty aim which was why he called himself Dr. Martin after the boots. He also told me that perhaps he should sue the boot maker as they had stolen his name (he being born before the first boots were put into production). I smiled falsely but convincingly and asked him how his surname was spelt. Once I knew I started to tell him that the boots were actually Dr Martens, that I didn't think there was an apostrophe so the surname was Martens and I believed that production started in the 1920's.
His expression became gnarled and twisted once again and I thought it best to desist with the argument so I let him have his fantasy. The reason he called himself Dr. Martin is because he and a group of people were all studying together online through the Open University (or a similar institution) with his speciality being viruses like HIV/AIDS. He hoped to qualify and then with his group of, by then, colleagues devote all his time to finding a cure to the lethal disease.
I didn't know what to say as the guy sat there pushing his cold sausages, mash and gravy around his plate complaining he couldn't taste anything and that it took him 20 minutes to eat a mouthful. To be brutally honest he wasn't going to live long enough to finish his degree let alone find a cure from the physical state of him. It was a horrible thing to realise but it was the truth... but once again it seemed like lying was the best choice I had. I told him it was a really cool thing he was doing and from everything he had said he had half a chance.
This made him happy and he thanked me for my words of encouragement... those words were like ash in my mouth but did I have any other choice? I had been sitting with Dr. Martin for almost an hour and I felt like I had to go as it was rapidly becoming too much of a headfuck spending time with him. So another desperate situation and another desperate lie.
The best lies are the ones people want to hear (as I had just done) and the ones grounded in truth. I knew there was a bus out of Chiang Mai at 8pm to Bangkok from when I had investigated buses to Mae Sot. I also managed to sneak a sly look at the time on my watch when Dr. Martin was occupied making a rollie. I said to him that I had a bus to catch at 8pm and did he know what time it was. It was almost 7pm and I said that I hoped he didn't think I was running away on purpose, but I did have a bus to catch.
He smiled at me and said he was glad to spend some time with me as he thought me to a genuine person unlike Adam. Although this wasn't strictly true I was glad that a distinction had been made and Dr Martin added that if he saw Adam again he would ask him for a Coke and no more. The reason being is he had left a Coke on the table when he went to get his tablets back in Bangkok. When he had returned the Coke and ourselves had gone. We both smiled and shook hands and then I was on my way.
I felt extremely relieved to be out of that situation and it seemed as if a great weight had lifted from my shoulders. But there was one last thing I had to be aware of... if Dr. Martin saw me tomorrow when I should have left Chiang Mai I would have to have one hell of a good excuse to stop him putting in the boot.
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