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Other entries in Anji

communication works...sometimes

it's getting hot. i don't know if it's really that hot. it's half past seven in the evening. i don't think it's that hot, but i feel sweaty and sticky anyway. i don't have my air conditioner on yet. i don't think i need it. my downstairs neighbors (maybe it's my upstairs neighbors?) are making a lot of noise. people bang and bash things here. so my neighbors are banging and bashing. people also yell here - it's very normal. yelling is just part of life. screaming at someone else is perfectly acceptable conversation - it does not indicate anger or tenseness. it's just normal behavior. sometimes you have to scream to make yourself heard over all the racket. i'm not sure what my neighbors are banging and clashing, or what they are screaming about. but they are making noise in the stairwell.

today is the dragon boat festival - a holiday which is now widely celebrated throughout asia. it is in honor of an ancient chinese poet. today, most familiies get together and eat eggs and green bean cakes. i got some green bean cakes as a gift from the school. they taste like a sweet, uncooked dough (yes, they're green). quite good. i'm told that, sometimes, farmers have boat races between communities to build repoire on dragon boat festival. so, maybe right now, there are farmers racing dragon-shaped boats down canals and rivers throughout china.

i've been feeling down the past few days about my communication skills. i've started to realize how little chinese i really know and how un-fluent i really am. the task of becoming truly fluent in one year seems arduous, especially combined with the fact that all i'm doing all day every day is speaking english. not to mention the fact that my english is going to hell in a handbasket, as i struggle to make myself understood and constantly must speak in a slow, labored voice to make everyone around me get my meaning. much less understand their chinese... it's funny. in years past and trips prior, i have felt like i was fairly competent with chinese. i got around town, got taxis, said hello, and generally shopped. i bargained so well in shanghai that one dude chased me down the street and actually THREW the merchandise on the ground in frustration.  i got through the entire silk road, translating for greg and myself, making deals with taxi drivers, getting hotel rooms, food, and generally getting around.

but, since i arrived in anji, i have felt completely incompetent. i have been afraid to speak chinese. i have been timid and insecure and especially intimidated. i've understood little of what's being said except snippets. perhaps it's my surroundings... more educational, less travel/easy speech. i don't know. plus, anji hua (the local language) is incredibly difficult for me to understand. actually, so far, impossible.

all that said, i just received a cell phone call from mr. zhu feiteng, (zhu laoshi's cousin , who is like an uncle to me). he speaks NO english. really. but he is eager to talk to me and always tries to say things... usually too fast and too furious for me to understand. however, feiteng called me on my phone and we had to figure out a way to make ourselves understood. i speak more chinese than he speaks english, so we used chinese. i actually figured out a way to understand him and spoke back in coherent chinese. enough that, i think we actually understood each other and made plans. it was a short phone call... maybe 10 minutes... but a big enough obstacle overcome that i feel SLIGHTLY more secure in my ability to use chinese.

i just need to get over it and start speaking. everyone around me is making an effort in english. i need to do the same back with them. i really can do it. despite what i had myself convinced of.